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| ASOS Seersucker Cupped Swimsuit |
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| Target Draped One Piece Black Striped |
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| Red Darling Dot Halter High Waisted Bikini (on my wish list) |
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| Jantzen Illusion-Inset Scalloped One Piece Swimsuit |
Being Mindful About Infertility
This semester I decided to take a meditation course since I already met all my requirements and just needed 12 more credits to graduate. It's only been about two months of meditating and focusing on being mindful, but I feel like it's helped me cope with so much in my life right now. If you haven't heard about mindfulness or are just unsure of you're understanding of it, this article is a great informative source to learn a little more about it.
source: mindful.orgJust the other night I was meditating as I was laying in bed. I was focusing on my breathing and focusing on the moment I was in. It's always a struggle to stay focused on the moment and not let my mind wander to how my day went or the list of things that I need to do the next day, but luckily the mindfulness sound track I was listening reminded me to reel my thoughts back in even if I needed to do it a thousand times. It reminded me that I need to remember to be patient with myself without any judgements of my thoughts. When you're being mindful you need to stay nonjudgemental and be accepting of the moment. It's about accept things as they are and you as you are in the moment. It's a time to observe without worrying about what you see but knowing that everything is as it is right that second. This is one concept that has helped me greatly with the issue of infertility.
Ryan and I always knew we had infertility issues, even throughout dating because it was caused by a medical condition, but we felt okay with it and felt like it was something we would be able to overcome in marriage. It always gets hard to not be sad about it though when we live in Utah and the culture revolves around children and families, especially when you're a woman and everyone constantly reminds you that you're most important role is being a mother. Sometimes it's a slap to the face and sometimes it's just some muffled noise in the background. It's not that I disagree with motherhood being an important role in a woman's life, but I feel like I'm not told enough that I can have other roles and they are important, too. I love children and I enjoy working. Somedays I can't wait to have the option to stay at home with the kids and other days that's the last thing I would want in my life.
I stress about timing often - I mean when would be the best time to start trying and when will becoming a mom least affect my career goals. It's exhausting contemplating and over thinking, but I found that as I started meditating I've been able to enjoy my life as it is right now a lot more than before. I've been a little less concerned about my life in five years or the ten years down the road. I'm happy with my life as it is and where I'm at.
Like I mentioned before, I was meditating for a while and afterwards I just stayed in bed. I thought about my job working as a preschool teacher and how happy it was making me to get to work with children everyday. It's definitely stressful and tiring (I literally take a nap everyday), but I look forward to going to work everyday. I thought about how great it is that right now I get to work, which is such a rewarding feeling for me personally, and at the same time I get to spend time with children. I get to converse with them, laugh with them, chase them around, get frustrated when they don't listen, and comfort them when they're having a hard time and I feel so grateful.
Before I was practicing being mindful I was always concerned about our infertility issues, because I was always thinking about how we might not kids for 5 years or maybe even 10 years, but when I'm being mindful I'm more concerned about how my life is right now. Am I still sad about infertility? Yes, but I'm not obsessed with the problem or at least I can accept my circumstances right now without a lot of grief and disappointment. I remember I'm still young and this gives me the opportunity to do other things with my life. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I feel like if I have to wait 5 years then maybe there's some important things I need to accomplish during those 5 years.
I'd love to know if any of my readers have similar experiences or have advice on being more mindful throughout the day. I always enjoy getting emails and comments from all of you so feel free to send me a message if you just feel like talking!
Can Summer Come Any Faster This Year?
After getting back from San Diego I will then start prepping for our month long trip to Thailand and Japan! I'm so excited x10! I've been waiting for this trip for about two years. Every summer we think we're going to go something comes up and we decide to extend it. Luckily, Ryan is required to study abroad in order to graduate for his International Studies major so it was bound to happen no matter what. We will be flying to Bangkok on June 4th and getting there the 5th, then flying to Chiang Mai the 6th, and finally to Mae Hong Son on the 7th. Our program is only for 10 days and we'll be working in one of the Thai-Burma refugee camps, which we're quite excited about.
Once our program is done we're going back to Chiang Mai and will be able to take about a week to explore the area. Again, if you have any suggests I would love to hear them! Ryan is making sure we're going to visit any Hmong villages near by and I definitely want to visit the night market, so you know, I can shop. We're then flying down to Phuket to do some island hopping. I'm not exactly sure what our plan is as of right now, but all I know is that I'm going to spend a lot of time in the water. I HATE hot weather and Thailand is hot and humid, especially in June so staying cool will be tough. I think someone should invent a constant portable air conditioner before we leave on our trip.
After island hopping in Phuket area we will be going back up to Bangkok and spending a couple of days there. I'm so excited to see the city and I'm so excited for the hotel we decided to splurge on. I'm hoping that we will be able to visit all of the temples possible while we're there. They look absolutely magnificent in the pictures I've seen. Luckily, being modest won't be an issue while visiting them.
We're then going to be flying to Tokyo on June 29th and there's so much I want to see and do there. I wish we had another month to explore the country, but we will only be there for about five days. My goal while I'm there is to climb Mt. Fuji, but I definitely have to prep before we leave Utah. Luckily, we have mountains to practice on here, although I heard that Mt. Fuji is fairly easy to hike, except towards the top it starts to get quite steep. If you provide me an address I will send you guys a postcard at the top ;). Ryan's goal in Tokyo is to start at a microcube hotel because you know, who wouldn't want to stay in a mini closet. It will be a fun experience though. I, personally, want to maybe visit Sanrio World, but I don't know. It's so hard to choose between places. All I know is that I just want to eat all of the sushi and ramen I can while I'm there.
Packing List Draft:
Oh, and packing question for those who know, should I bring my laptop or would that be a waste of space? I have an ipad that I could bring instead.
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