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Being Mindful About Infertility






This semester I decided to take a meditation course since I already met all my requirements and just needed 12 more credits to graduate. It's only been about two months of meditating and focusing on being mindful, but I feel like it's helped me cope with so much in my life right now. If you haven't heard about mindfulness or are just unsure of you're understanding of it, this article is a great informative source to learn a little more about it.


Just the other night I was meditating as I was laying in bed. I was focusing on my breathing and focusing on the moment I was in. It's always a struggle to stay focused on the moment and not let my mind wander to how my day went or the list of things that I need to do the next day, but luckily the mindfulness sound track I was listening reminded me to reel my thoughts back in even if I needed to do it a thousand times. It reminded me that I need to remember to be patient with myself without any judgements of my thoughts. When you're being mindful you need to stay nonjudgemental and be accepting of the moment. It's about accept things as they are and you as you are in the moment. It's a time to observe without worrying about what you see but knowing that everything is as it is right that second. This is one concept that has helped me greatly with the issue of infertility.

Ryan and I always knew we had infertility issues, even throughout dating because it was caused by a medical condition, but we felt okay with it and felt like it was something we would be able to overcome in marriage. It always gets hard to not be sad about it though when we live in Utah and the culture revolves around children and families, especially when you're a woman and everyone constantly reminds you that you're most important role is being a mother. Sometimes it's a slap to the face and sometimes it's just some muffled noise in the background. It's not that I disagree with motherhood being an important role in a woman's life, but I feel like I'm not told enough that I can have other roles and they are important, too. I love children and I enjoy working. Somedays I can't wait to have the option to stay at home with the kids and other days that's the last thing I would want in my life.

I stress about timing often - I mean when would be the best time to start trying and when will becoming a mom least affect my career goals. It's exhausting contemplating and over thinking, but I found that as I started meditating I've been able to enjoy my life as it is right now a lot more than before. I've been a little less concerned about my life in five years or the ten years down the road. I'm happy with my life as it is and where I'm at.

Like I mentioned before, I was meditating for a while and afterwards I just stayed in bed. I thought about my job working as a preschool teacher and how happy it was making me to get to work with children everyday. It's definitely stressful and tiring (I literally take a nap everyday), but I look forward to going to work everyday. I thought about how great it is that right now I get to work, which is such a rewarding feeling for me personally, and at the same time I get to spend time with children. I get to converse with them, laugh with them, chase them around, get frustrated when they don't listen, and comfort them when they're having a hard time and I feel so grateful.

Before I was practicing being mindful I was always concerned about our infertility issues, because I was always thinking about how we might not kids for 5 years or maybe even 10 years, but when I'm being mindful I'm more concerned about how my life is right now. Am I still sad about infertility? Yes, but I'm not obsessed with the problem or at least I can accept my circumstances right now without a lot of grief and disappointment. I remember I'm still young and this gives me the opportunity to do other things with my life. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and I feel like if I have to wait 5 years then maybe there's some important things I need to accomplish during those 5 years.

I'd love to know if any of my readers have similar experiences or have advice on being more mindful throughout the day. I always enjoy getting emails and comments from all of you so feel free to send me a message if you just feel like talking!

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